introspection...and a very long story.

Here is a picture of my boys. If you tune in to check out photos of the family, here it is...at the top of the post. That way, if that's all you really want to see, here it is.

This is one of those posts that I need to put up for me. Just for me so that I can remember how silly I really am. If you have no desire to read such a long post, I'm not offended in the least. I've put the picture of the boys at the top, so there is no reason to continue down if there is no desire.

I am so excited for the upcoming holiday season. Last year I had a difficult time really getting into it, and I'm happy to say that I'm not having the same trouble this year. I am already salivating over the idea of turkey and potatoes and pecan pie. I sing Christmas songs to Porter nightly...and I've even been scoping out a place to cut down our own Christmas tree. The crafty projects that I have in mind are soon to be put into action, and let's just say I'll have the most darling tree this year... with unbreakable ornaments for a particular redhead to enjoy. I also need a stocking for that little redhead and I plan on making a gift or two and starting on a quilt for the next possible little redhead.

With many projects in mind (4 right now, give me a little longer and I'm sure I can come up with more), I headed to our darling little fabric shop in town. This place has some of the funnest fabric I have ever seen and even though it's a little small, it has all the right stuff in it to make me stay there for hours on end.

Let me back up for a moment... this story needs a little bit of history...

One of my many problems is that I am not a very decisive person. No, it's true. I've known it all along, but I didn't realize the extent to which this is true until about 2 days ago. Maybe you didn't know this about me (if you didn't, you obviously don't know me very well...at all) but it's a cold hard fact. Whether it's where we should eat for dinner, what movie we should rent, or what kind of fabric should I use for this or that, I just can't do it. I especially can't do it without proper help.

That help used to come in the form of sisters or a mom. I used to live close to all of them. And when the need for such assistance would arrive, a much needed opinion and a possible reprimand of, "You're getting this one, right now because I can't stand to listen to you any longer." was only minutes away.

Now, I live all by myself, away from girls, and I have nobody but boys to ask if I have a need for an opinion. One of the things I love most about Kyle is that he is a very laid-back person...this causes a problem though when it comes to, "Do these jeans look too big, or will my belly continue to grow and fill them right out?" or "Which fabric do you like better, the green or the red?" And let me tell you that I have ran into difficulties this past week with both such questions. Both of which have led me to very interesting phone conversations with my mother or sisters...you see these types of questions are ones that should be asked in person. On the phone, these questions are not so easily answered, leaving the askee totally unsure of what to say and normally leads to them laughing their head off on the other end of the line, while, I, the asker starts feeling more and more stupid and homesick for female companionship.

Prior to leaving for the aforementioned shop I had the discussion about the jeans with my mother and my oldest sister (one person simply was not enough you see...I'm sick, I know). Being so indecisive, my answer to such a dilemma was to take pictures of me in said jeans and email them to said sister. Before I could take such pictures I started realizing my indecisiveness/silliness and chose not to send pictures. This would only be hard-fast evidence of my sad little quirk. Plus, it was a choice that should not require the use of photography, emails and a decision from someone 300 miles away, just so I could feel further validated in sending back the jeans because someone else said to do it.

So, I felt good heading to the fabric store with my new sense of independence. I headed in and quickly picked out the fabric for the ornaments, it probably took no longer than 10 minutes to do so (a record for me). Then came the time to pick out the fabric for Porter's stocking. 30 minutes later I was standing in the same spot I had been in for the past 30 minutes and was no closer to picking out fabric. I then started thinking about what I wanted it to look like, and how long it would take me to sew, and how much I wished that Kari was there to pick it out for me and show me how to sew it (ie. sew it for me). I had a favorite material picked out, but had no idea what to do with it or what other fabric would go with it.

At this point I figured I was being ridiculous and maybe I would go home, plan it out MYSELF and come back to pick out fabric after I knew what I wanted...maybe that would help me make my decision. So I headed up to the counter with my fabric for my ornaments. The cute girl at the store had been sewing and cutting fabric the whole time I was in there, and when I went up to the counter she looked at me and said, "You look like you're having some trouble. Do you need some help? Did you find what you needed?" Now, this was my chance! I could stand firm and make my own decisions. I could change the way that I function on a daily basis right then and there. All I had to do was say, "No, this is all I need right now, thank you."

But, being the little wuss that I am, I crumbled. I told her all about how I have no girls around to give opinions and how I'm a wuss and dependent on anybody else to help me with any small or big decision I make in my life...and, I needed help picking out fabric for a stocking for my little boy (okay so I didn't tell her about all the wuss stuff, but I'm sure she picked up on it all by herself...by herself, with no help from anyone else...).

I showed her my favorite material and she quickly helped me pick out something to make a very cute stocking. She then showed me the stockings that she was currently sewing, and walked me through how to make them. She answered all my questions, gave the opinions I needed and I walked out of the store 10 minutes later completely satisfied with everything that I had just purchased.

I realize now that I'm just a dependent person. I just need other people. I would go crazy all by myself and I'm grateful to have people around me who put up with all of my incessant questioning. I'm grateful to the cute fabric shop lady...she has no idea the help that she gave me that night. I'm going crazy not having girls around. I love my boys, and I'm tickled to death that another will join the ranks here soon. But, I also realize how much I need my momma and my sisters. So, thanks for putting up with me. I really appreciate it. And, thank you Kari for being willing to take a look at pictures of me and my jeans to give me your opinion, but I won't subject you to that.

It's time for a picture of the fabric that caused this much introspection into my life. Wanna see the fabric?

The top four will be for ornaments and the bottom two will be for Porter's stocking.

She did a good job helping me out. Thank you fabric shop girl.

Hey, do you think fabric shop girl would take a look at me in my jeans?